Tuesday, October 27

My abdominals and I

My abs and I used to be good friends. We hung out every day. They'd help me at work, and I'd thank them for a job well done. Occasionally I would test them out, see how many sit-ups they could do. They always did great. I'd rub oil on them, and flex them in front of a mirror - they loved the attention!

When I got pregnant, I swore I wouldn't forget them. They were like, "A-ight", and kept on doing their thing. My baby kept getting bigger and bigger, shoving them further and further away from me, but they kept their cool. I still used them at work, so they didn't feel too neglected.

Then I got injured. My hip joint popped out, sending me home from work for good. I wouldn't be going back until the baby was a year old. My abs had a mild panic attack, but I told them not to worry. I'd need their help for the rest of the pregnancy, because this baby wasn't getting any smaller.

The months rolled by, and then Deklan was born. My stretched out abs were just done. They said "That's it!" and just hung there, all jiggly-like, refusing to tighten up.

My good friends and I became estranged.

Now, I'm trying to get reacquainted.

It's such a slow process that it HURTS!

But I did keep my promise, I didn't forget them. And I hope that soon they'll realize that, and stop being so pouty. I mean, seriously. It's kind of immature.

Monday, October 26

“Halloween Dress-Up” Photo Challenge


My little sister Elena designed and made this 'Blue Dragon' costume for Emma's Medieval birthday party. Those wings were vicious! I almost got my eye poked out. It was this close.

I love how she gelled her bangs into a point, like a horn. So creative!

This week at I Heart Faces, it is Halloween Dress-up! Go see more photos!

Thursday, October 22

My Beautiful Boy

Is now over two months old!!

Smiling and flirting with Auntie Linda yesterday... so stinking cute!

Agh! The cuteness! My heart just can't take it!

And, his new cast. He's been doing SO much better since the fiberglass cast was put on last Friday. The doctor said that two more weeks would have that break all healed up, so next Friday we're going to go get that cast off! Yes!

I am the mother of the cutest baby in the world. No brag, just fact.

Sunday, October 18

I <3 Pink Faces

My two year old niece Heidi was dressed up as a beautiful pink princess for my six year old niece Emma's "Medieval" birthday party last week! I wanted to take her picture, but she's only two, so she wouldn't stand still.. I had to catch one with her on the go.

Go to I Heart Faces to see more Pink pictures!

Wednesday, October 14

One day at a time!

That's how we're taking it. Yessir.

Since Deklan's leg was broken, my little piggy has had a fair bit of trouble getting comfortable for nursing. He loves to eat, loves it I tell you, but that durn cast really cramps his style. Especially in the evening, when he's predisposed to be cranky anyway, he is nearly impossible to get settled into a comfortable nursing position.

He screams bloody murder when I don't hold him just so. It's not a pain cry, either... I know what those sound like. It's a "What the HECK!!!??!!" cry. He likes to be able to kick while he nurses, and that ability is hampered now. Hence the frustration.

I've had to resort to pumping in the evening, because my little peanut just won't nurse. Morning, night, and afternoon aren't so bad, but when he's cranky, he's cranky, and that's all there is to it.

I'm hoping the Children's Hospital calls today, and when they call we'll get an appointment, and at the appointment they'll say his leg is healing beautifully and that cast will soon come off, and when that cast comes off he'll be right back to normal with nursing because he'll be able to kick again and everything will be happy and sunny and rosebuds and sunshine and butterflies and rainbows! Yes!!

One can only hope.... but I'm hoping for the wrong thing. I'm hoping for E-A-S-Y. Because life is all about my happiness, and I was happy the way it was.

God wants me to learn from this.

Last night I really was struggling with anger in my heart, because my baby was screaming and screaming and nothing was making it better.
It's amazing, the huge evil monster I actually am inside. I wanted to be mad at my little sister for accidently hurting my baby. I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to yell at my baby. I wanted to yell at my husband. I wanted to yell at God, for letting it happen. At the same time, I wanted to be "good". I wanted to be patient and kind, and I wanted to trust God.

The two sides of me wrestled for a long time. I kept crying out to God in my heart, asking Him for patience, asking Him for forgiveness because of the unjust wrath I felt.

I know why I'm angry. It's because, even though I know God is sovereign, I still think I am in control of my life. I make all the decisions, I do everything to make life run smoothly, I protect my baby.... it's all about me.

My Mom said something to me on the phone that really made this wrong attitude of mine clear to my own eyes. She said that as parents, of course we want to protect our children, but this is a broken world, and bad things will happen to them. We have to give them up to God, because they're His anyway, and He is the one who has decreed everything that will happen in their lives, all for His good purposes.

I have to give up control, because I don't even have it anyways! I'm just making myself sick, thinking that I can be all and do all in my son's life, my life, my husband's life.

Not that I don't have responsibility, of course I do. But it's limited, because I am limited.

I couldn't stop my baby from suffering the pain of this broken leg. But, I can be there for him, help him, hold him, nurse him, be patient and kind to him... these are the things that are in my control. Because Christ took my sin away, and I am free from it. I don't have to resort to anger when my heart is aching for my son. I don't have to sin. I have a choice.

That choice isn't going to be easy, which is why I am taking it one day at a time, with lots of prayer.

Trials and suffering are a part of life, but it won't last forever. And God is there to help us, to give us comfort and strength. I think I just need to remember that. When I do remember it, I am thankful. The other 99% of the time, I'm a big old blockhead.

Heaven help me.

Sunday, October 11

A Lame Duckling


All babies cry, of course. They cry because they're hungry, need their diapers changed, are lonely, sad, tired, too cold or warm...

My baby has a different reason to cry.

Two days ago, we were at Granny's house for a visit. Auntie T was holding Deklan, reading something on the computer. Aunt Heather, Granny and I were standing around her, reading the same thing. Little T stood up to come to the couch to visit, and accidently tripped on a computer wire.
Heather and I caught her on her way down, but we couldn't stop her from that first initial fall. Deklan's little leg was caught between her chest and the edge of the desk.

He immediately started screaming, and I held him, and tried to calm him down. He cried for a long time, big heartbroken sobs, and I knew something was really wrong. He's such a contented baby, for him to keep crying was very unusual.

We didn't know exactly what was wrong, but there was a great big bruise on his right leg, and he definitely was hurt.

After a while he calmed down, and even started smiling again. We stayed at Granny's for a few more hours, and then it was time to go home.

At home I put him down for his nap, but a nagging feeling kept washing over me. Every time he moved his leg he cried. Every time we changed his position he cried. Something was wrong.

Daddy got home, and we decided to take him to the emergency room.

At the hospital, the doctor checked him over, and decided to put a tensor bandage around his leg to stabilize and protect it, in case something was wrong. The x-ray technicians had gone home for the day, so we made an appointment for the following morning.

That evening, Deklan wouldn't stop screaming. Nothing was helping, I couldn't do anything to comfort him. I figured he was better before the tensor bandage was put on, so I took it off. He had red lines on his poor little leg, it was wrapped too tight. Imagine having something wrapped tight around a bruise, it would hurt, wouldn't it?

Poor little baby!

After that, he calmed down, and was able to go to sleep. He slept almost straight through the night, waking up once at 1:00 am. I gave him some baby Tylenol, and he went back to sleep until Daddy's alarm clock went off at 5:00.

He was happy as a clam! He was kicking and kicking so much that he kicked his blankets right off. I was pleased, I thought his leg must just be bruised, and he'd be fine in a few days. I thought about cancelling the x-ray appointment, but decided to go, just in case something was actually wrong.

Daddy came home from work, and we went in to the hospital again. He didn't like the x-ray table, but he didn't really cry until the technician asked Daddy to hold his leg straight. That HURT. He bawled, and wasn't happy until Mommy snuggled him.

We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes, and then got moved to an exam room. The Doctor came in, then took us to a consult room, where Deklan's x-ray results were on the computer.

The side view seemed okay, everything looked normal. I'm not a Doctor, but I saw a thin white line that I thought didn't look normal, but the Doctor didn't point it out so I kept quiet.

The next frame showed the front view of the leg, along with Daddy's hands holding it straight.

"Well, that's not supposed to be there." The Doctor said.

The tibia had two cracks in it, shaped like a little W. It was definitely broken.

I was shocked, then dismayed. My poor baby! I honestly didn't believe it was broken, but there it was in front of me. I felt so guilty, thinking about how much he cried when I changed his diaper or got him dressed. No wonder!

The Doctor didn't even know if he was supposed to put a cast on such a little baby. He called the Children's Hospital to ask, and they called back and told him yes.

So my 8 week old son needed a cast.

The nurse was wonderful. She went a got a warm blanket to wrap Deklan in, and I held his hand and soothed him to sleep on the table. Mercifully, he slept through the entire process as they put a cast on his poor little leg.

When he woke up, he was upset at having such a big weight on his leg, but he wasn't crying from pain anymore. That was a huge relief for me. I could move him and change him and carry him without hurting his leg!

Poor little leg!

We had Thanksgiving Dinner to go to at Grandma's, so after we got him home and I fed him and changed him we were off! Everyone ooed and aaed over him, clucking like a bunch of broody hens. I'm sure he'll get the same treatment at Emma's birthday party tomorrow.

Such a little peanut...

The Children's Hospital will be calling us this week to set up an appointment, to check up on Deklan and see how the healing process is coming. He is so young, and this is so unusual that there will probably be 20 people in the room as Deklan gets examined, because it's a teaching hospital and something like this never happens! One for the textbooks.

Daddy keeps telling Deklan that when he's older he gets to tease Auntie Tiana about how she broke his leg. I'm looking forward to that day, with the memory of this painful experience far behind us!

Of course, we don't blame Tiana at all. It could've happened to anybody! She'll be the first one we hand Deklan to tomorrow to hold, because she's an awesome Auntie! She'll have to sign "I'm Sorry, Ducky!" on his cast, though.

Saturday, October 3

Uh, don't look now.....

But there is a GIANT SPIDER right behind you!


Gearing up for Halloween, yes we are! Wooo!

Happy Birthday Jay!

My brother Jared is a gentle giant of a man, 6' 7'' tall, with a dorky sense of humour that always gets the people around him laughing. Yesterday was his birthday, and we all got together at my Mom's house to celebrate!

He's such a big guy that my mom gave him a HUGE travel mug to take with him on the truck. Maybe that one will last him all day!

Happy 27th Birthday, Jay!