Monday, August 4

August 4rd, 2008

I'm not quite sure how to write what I'm thinking, and feeling in my heart. I'm finding it quite difficult. I've started to write a sentence, and erased it after second thoughts, three or four times now. I guess the only way to write it, is to write it.

Tyler's Grandfather, Harold Mawson, died last night while we were sleeping. We knew yesterday that things had taken a turn for the worse, because we were visiting Tyler's parents when his mom got a phone call from the hospital. His Grandfather has been in the hospital for a while, he was admitted a couple of months ago because his needs had become too difficult for his wife to fulfill. She, at almost the same age as him, is well into her nineties, and she just didn't have the energy or the strength to care for him.

We meant to go visit him, we planned on it for, it seems, every weekend... but different things kept on interrupting our plans, getting in the way.

Eugene phoned us when we got home from work today. I knew something was wrong by the look on Tyler's face, I have never seen him so pale. He said things like "No, I didn't know" and "We just got home", and "She went last night to see him?" I had a gut feeling about what had happened, but I didn't ask until he hung up the phone.

I didn't know Tyler's grandfather very well. In fact, I only saw him once. Tyler took me to meet him before we were married. He became too ill to travel by the time of our wedding. I guess what I mean is, I wasn't very emotionally attached to him. I knew of him, and he was a part of my family, but I don't think it's fair for me to say I loved him. Tyler loved him.

When he hung up the phone, Tyler had tears in his eyes. When he told me what happened, he started to cry.

I haven't ever seen my husband cry before. I have seen him with tears in his eyes, tears of love for me, but never tears of sadness. His heart ached for his mother, for his grandmother, and with regret, that we never went to see his Grandpa in his final days.

I love my husband for his tears. He cares so much for his family, and has such love for his mother, that he cried for her, for how her heart must be hurting. He cares for his grandmother, and his heart is broken for her, for now she is alone without her husband that she loved so much.

There is one thing that Tyler is glad for. The last time he saw his Grandfather was with me, the day we went down for his grandparents to meet me. His Grandpa, even at that time, was in poor health, but for that specific day, he had high spirits, and he was feeling good. He teased Tyler, and Tyler teased him back, and we all shared in laughter. It was a good day.

I'm glad that God gave Tyler that gift.

God, comfort my husband, and my mother & grandmother-in-law. In Jesus' name, I pray.

4 comments:

  1. Sarah, tell Tyler that I'm praying for him, and for his mom and grandmother.

    Praying for you too.

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  2. Sorry for your loss. :( It's not easy to lose a Grandparent.

    At least you have a great memory of your last visit. That's really good.

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  3. Thanks, guys.

    Tyler hasn't lost a grandparent before this, so he wasn't sure what to do or what to feel. I'm not much help, either, since all of mine (ours :) ) were gone by the time I was 12 years old.

    He's grieving. He worked on the trim in the back room all day, and now he's watching TV. But he's quiet.

    Yes, we have the last visit to be glad for. It was really good, and in some ways it's better he didn't see his Grandpa on his deathbed. It got really bad towards the end, his mom said.... so, it is a bittersweet sort of thing.

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  4. Sarah, this is late, but I'm really sorry for your loss. Your post gave me shivers and brought tears to my eyes. You are an extremely gifted writer. I know how you can feel guilty for not visiting, the same thing happened to us with Steve's Grandma. But, you need to focus on that last wonderful visit.

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