Wednesday, May 28

The grocery gods are angry with me today.

Please excuse that gratuitously pagan post title. But it's true.

I went grocery shopping today, something I usually do on my -rare- Wednesdays off. I went East instead of West today, because I wanted to visit my sister Rachel and give her a bit of adult conversation. She has been cooped up with her little ones for a few weeks, being sick and all that, so she has a mild case of cabin fever. I made it a bit better.

Anyways, I went to Food Basics to shop, because I find their prices are the best of the major food chains. Plus I don't like plastic bags, and Food Basics is phasing them out, and if you want them you have to pay for them. That's why their prices are cheaper, I think. They don't pay bag boys.

I bought myself 6 cool-looking fabric grocery bags, and they are awesome! They are so huge, you can pack everything in there, and there's no fear of them ripping and spilling all your goods all over the baking pavement in 25 degree weather! Yay for fabric.

But I've lost my point. Angered grocery gods, and such.

Well! I went into Food Basics, and reached for a grocery cart.

BZAP!

"Ouchie! The cart zapped me. Stupid static electricity."

I dismissed it quickly from my mind, and went in the store to do some shopping.

I hummed de dummed down the first couple aisles, picking out my fruits and veggies, getting all that healthy crap that we're supposed to eat four or five servings a day of. Then I went down the next aisle, and went to grab a jar of pickles.

BZAP!

"Ouch! Dangit! Stupid pickles zapped me! Darn static."

I took of my sweater, deeming it to be the culprit, and again set my mind on getting groceries.

My next mistake was to touch a jar of peanut butter.

BZAAP!

"S-O-A-B!" If you can't translate that, then good for you. If you can, then it means something else, I swear. I mean, I assure you.

It went on that way, through the whole store. Everything I touched was cursed by the hateful grocery gods. I was zapped by freezers, shelves, things on shelves, the cart, anything and everything in that store.

Tyler better appreciate what I go through to make him good, nutricious meals, but especially his treats. I basically braved and survived a lightning storm to get him his ice cream. The freezers were the worst.

I was definitely traumatized as I left the store. I was afraid to touch people in the entrance, more so than I usually am. I must have looked like a freak dodging away from that old lady with the feathery coat with a terrified expression on my face.

"No no, please no more!!!"

I went to Zehrs afterwards, to pick up pictures and get a few things that Food Basics doesn't carry. Twitching and skittish, I reached a trembling hand to grab a cart.

And,

didn't get shocked.

Oh joy! Elation! Calloo, callay!

Nothing in Zehrs shocked me. Not one thing.

So I was wrong, it's not the grocery gods that were angry with me... it's the Food Basics gods.

Stupid fictional beings.

4 comments:

  1. Maybe Food Basics doesn't have the little chains dragging on their carts so that you don't get a shock or something.

    That was a long sentence. :)

    I don't think I would want some old lady in a weird feather coat to touch me - shock or no shock.

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  2. Maybe you were wearing shocky-pants. But you can't exactly take THOSE off in the middle of the store.

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  3. Probably all the shocks from Food Basics is the corners cut from the repairs done to their refrigerator counters and freezers! LOL
    But seriously I would never buy anything frozen from franchised stores (owned by an individual).
    My friend is a refidgerator mechanic and the franchise owners don't want to properly maintanance on them because it comes out of their wallet.

    Let the frozen food buyer beware.

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  4. Stinking anonymous commentors! I like names, people! Leave your name so I can construct an image of you in my head, otherwise you're just a fizzling grey shadow of a person. If you leave the name "Chelsea", I'll think of a red-headed irish girl. For some reason. If you leave the name "Jim", you'll be white, probably older, with a beard. It's just what my mind does, okay?

    ReplyDelete

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